I’m not going to let last night get me down. No one saw Quez Watkins actually hitting Ludicrous speed on the sideline and Jake Elliot crushing three 45+ yard field goals. If I have to lose to see that good of a half of preseason football, then I’m fine with it. I’m fine. I’m fine.
I’M FINE, QUIT ASKING.
We’re 1-1 and I have 3 plays for the weekend.
NYJ @ NYG +2
We’re gonna go back to our bread and butter: not thinking about things.
Zach Wilson looked like an idiot during a team scrimmage, and he’s probably the best QB in that QB room by a LOOOOOT. Put him in a situation where he can get smooshed by an actual defense? Big yikes.
Yeah, it’ll just be for a drive or two, but it’ll only get worse after that.
Put that together with the Giant’s defense being their main focus this off-season, and Robert Saleh being a first-year head coach with no offensive background and I’m gonna take NYG with some points in my pocket.
I’ll cancel my appointment with the Dermatologist. I’ll tell myself that I’m going to get a real Christmas tree and then forget how expensive they are, then go back to our fake one. I’ll buy too much Halloween candy. I’ll think lighting fireworks with a cigar is much easier than it actually is. The Jets will be bad. These are all things that have happened and will continue to happen for the rest of my adult life.
Denver @ Minnesota +2.5
Mike Zimmer hated, HATED his defense last year. Like, I hate the guy who hit and ran my car, and I hate the weird guy who walks his dog in our yard and lets it shit 3 feet from our front door and then doesn't pick it up, but Mike Zimmer HATED his defense.
So that’s what he changed, and I think he’s going to take defensive play pretty seriously come Saturday afternoon.
The Broncos are trying to figure out who QB1 is going to be between Teddy Bridgewater and Drew Lock, and that’s not necessarily a situation you should ever want to be in, but I expect we’ll get more than a couple drives between the two of them.
That doesn’t matter. Minnesota’s defense is going to be playing for not just a spot on the team, but their actual lives because Mike Zimmer will actually murder them. Look up scaphism. That.
New Orleans @ Baltimore -2.5
John Harbaugh is 15-1-1 ATS in preseason games. If you think I’m gonna bet against that trend, you’re an idiot and I want to tie you between two boats, put you in a swamp, cover you in honey then let the mosquitoes and bugs and wildlife eat you to death.
That’s scaphism. You didn’t look it up, so I told you what it is.
-JB