49ers @ Eagles (Eagles -2.5, O/U 46.5)
First of all, Go Birds.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
I don’t pick sides on Eagles’ games. I don’t do emotional hedging because I’d rather have my only emotions be either happiness, or sadness mixed with seething anger and blind rage.
That puts me in a tough spot because this game will go over or be under by like 20 points.
The way the 49ers win this is by doing the thing the Commanders did to beat the Eagles. They make the game super boring by running the ball for 8 yards on first and second down then getting a shitty 3rd down conversion, thus controlling the ball for 40 minutes and they don’t let the Eagles do anything on offense.
If this is the case, the game goes under and the Eagles lose by 3 points.
OR
The way the Eagles win is by using their juggernaut offense to rip the 49ers to shreds in the first half. One criticism of Hurts this offseason was that he doesn’t throw the ball in the middle of the field. Dre Greenlaw and Fred Warner are in the middle of the field, so hopefully, Hurts goes back to his old ways and leaves that part of the field alone. The 49ers' corners are good at slowing down a WR1. The Eagles have 2 of those, so as soon as they slip up, Jalen is going to take advantage of his spots on the outside.
Also, AJ Brown fucks the 49ers. Yeah, last time it was a really washed-up Josh Norman, but Ward and Lenoir can be got by good players. They’ll get got.
All the praise in the world to Nick Bosa. Great player. BUT, he only got 2 sacks against veteran starting tackles (Andrew Wiley and Charles Leno). Lane Johnson and Jordan Mialata are veteran starters. Those guys are two straight-up dudes, and Lane Johnson is a DUDE.
As far as the Eagles’ D-Line matchup goes, Josh Sweat and Robert Quinn are going to have a tough time against Trent Williams, because Williams is also a DUDE. On the other side though? Eh. Maybe not so much.
Mike McGlinchey is the 49ers' right tackle and he is a good run blocker, but Hasaan Reddick and Brandon Graham are absolutely elite pass rushers and they’ll be able to get their rushes and make Purdy panic in hilarious ways. I’m talking, “run directly backward like a coward” hilarious panic.
If this game gets put on Purdy’s shoulders? Uh oh.
I want the Eagles to win, so I’m taking the over.
Go Birds.
O 46.5
Bengals @ Chiefs (Chiefs -1.5, O/U 48.5)
I’m thinking this Mahomes fella might not be hurt too badly.
On the Cowboys/49ers broadcast last week, Romo was talking about how his high ankle sprain hurt him for the entire week after it happened and he had to use crutches the whole time.
I was all like, “Woah.”
And then we saw the video of Mahomes not even limping a little bit and it made me remember that Tony Romo was actually a huge bitch.
It’s crazy what time will do to your memory.
I don’t know what happened last week with the Jags totally forgetting that Travis Kelce was not only still alive, but also catching damn near everything that was thrown at him. I can’t imagine allowing the most productive ball catcher on the Chiefs’ roster to catch the ball 14 times was part of the Jags’ game plan.
The Bengals have to make sure Kelce is less productive, but “less productive” could still be 10 catches. That’s a terrifying thought.
We also know the Bengals’ offensive line is all kinds of fucked. Last week the Bills couldn’t do anything to affect them. That other shoe has to drop, right? This Chiefs’ D-Line is a powerhouse and they should be able to move bodies, especially if those bodies are mostly not starters.
THAT BEING SAID:
The Bengals own the Chiefs. That happens.
The Browns own the Bengals and we have no idea why. We also have no idea why the Bengals own the Chiefs, but it’s the truth. You can say the players are going to use the “Burrowhead Stadium” stuff as bulletin board material, but is that determination stronger than the power of the universe?
I think not.
Bengals +1.5.