I wanted to do a “State of the Union” for how my picks are doing this year, but I never really kept a spreadsheet or anything for the picks I’ve made here. I’d have to go back and read everything that I’ve written and I’m not really a good reader, which shows. Also, my computer sucks ass and loads everything super slow. Maybe if I ever have a day where I feel inspired and have gumption, or whatever, I’ll go back and do that. I’ve kinda just been keeping a tally in my head. Here’s what I have hidden away in this steel lock box of a memory:
1.) I fucking crushed it in the Preseason
2.) I really did shitty when I was going largely on DVOA stuff. (DVOA is still GOATed)
3.) Now that I’m going off of my gut. Things are much Much MUCH better
So all in all?
Not too shabby, you guys. Not too shabby.
Browns @ Patriots
Patriots -2.5, O/U 45
I want it stricken from the record, that I wanted it stricken from the record, that I wanted it stricken from the record that I said that the Browns were a bad team. They are actually a good team now. Some people are saying that OBJ being out of Cleveland is giving them a new life, and I buy into that. I’ve had jobs where a dickhead quit and It’s made everyone happier. OBJ is a Dickhead. He quit. Everyone seemed happier. Cleveland wins big time. Boom.
The Patriots? Man, they’re the Patriots. They’ll always be somewhere between fine to great. This seems like the kind of game that the Patriots flop in just to bring them back down to Earth. Nothing they bring to the table scares me and I think they’ll kinda just get worn down and peter out in the 4th quarter.
Browns +2.5. Sprinkle ML.
Eagles @ Broncos
Broncos -2.5, O/U 45.5
The Eagles' defense is absolutely putrid. In the last 70 years, they’ve allowed only 6 quarterbacks to complete 80%+ of their passes in games. They’re allowed 5 quarterbacks to do the same thing THIS YEAR. Teddy Bridgewater will take advantage of this and chew up the field. Up until the Redzone, the Eagles have had weirdly good red zone defense this year, compared to everything else they do on the field.
Doesn’t this seem like one of those games where a team is crazy overvalued because of the previous week? Because that’s what I think. I think that this -2.5 is a rat line. I think the Eagles are going to cover that 2.5. Fuck, I think the Eagles are going to win this game outright. That’s what I think.
Eagles +2.5, sprinkle the ML if you’re a real one.
Chiefs @ Raiders
Chiefs -2.5, O/U 52
Find the lie: The Chiefs are 3-16-1 ATS in their last 20. The Chiefs stink.
What’s that? You can’t find a lie?
Exactly. That’s because there is none.
I heard a guy say that they think it might still be Turf Toe that is ailing Patty M. I think that’s wrong. I heard someone say they think Andy Reid is washed. I think that’s wrong. I heard someone say they haven’t had time to grow as a team. I think that’s wrong too. If you asked me, which you won’t, I’d tell you someone on that team wronged a lost soul and became cursed. Yeah, that sounds dumb, but not as dumb as any other idea that anyone has had.
The Raiders are the Raiders. They’re bland. They’re boring on the field (Not off the field. Off the field? They’re the most batshit. Hands down). They’ll get the job done.
Give me the home dog. Raiders +2.5. Sprinkle the ML if you’re feeling sassy.