When I make a piss bet I have nothing to gain. A piss bet is when I say that there will be a certain outcome, and if that outcome does not happen, then I will drink 1 cup of my own piss.
I am not a charming man.
I often find myself making eye contact with people who are actively frowning due to something I have done.
People don’t take pride in knowing me.
None of that matters. The only thing that matters is that I’ve never had to drink my own piss. The piss bet is 8-0 or something crazy like that. But tonight? Whew…
Tonight, I’m going to do something crazy. I’m going to do a piss bet on something I’ve never done.
Steelers @ Vikings
Vikings -3, O/U 43.5
Are we about to have the worst week of weekday football ever? Probably. We’re following the tear-jerkingly boring Monday night game with a game headlined by two bonafide dorks.
This week our 2 quarterbacks are a super old and broken guy who likes to wear shitty-looking 3 piece suits, and the world’s least confident but highest-paid man. Fuck me.
Here are some notable facts about this game for the Steelers:
1.) Big Ben was in College when Shrek was in Theaters
2.) The bridge from Shrek is more structurally sound than Big Ben.
3.) Big Ben is playing on a short week and it’ll be sad.
4.) Steelers games are going under 63% of the time.
5.) 8 of the Steelers 12 games have been 1 score games
Here are some notable facts about this game for the Vikings:
1.) Oscar the Grouch lives in a trash can.
2.) The Vikings suck and Mike Zimmer looks like a shaved Oscar the Grouch.
3.) The Vikings have had 5 home games so far. 4 of those have gone under.
4.) Kirk in Primetime.
5.) 11 of the Vikings 12 games have been 1 score games.
Steelers +3 and Under 43.5.
I’m gonna go wild here. The Piss Bet is Under 43.5. I’ve never done a piss bet on an under. Let’s go crazy.