Well. It happened as it was bound to…
Honestly, I really thought we had something last night. All signs pointed to that under. Unfortunately, no one thought about the Steelers’ defense playing with the ferocity of a hemophiliac, declawed, 30-year-old house cat.
The piss bet is now 9-1. At 3 am on December 10, 2021, I drank 8 ounces of my own piss.
You're probably thinking, “Sheesh Jake. Certainly there aren’t enough people actually reading this garbage where anyone would care if you followed through on that”
To which I would respond,
“Yep”
But now we have good gambling karma going to the weekend. Let’s take advantage of it.
Raiders @ Chiefs
Chiefs -9.5, O/U 48
I’ve planted my flag. The Chiefs are not good enough to consistently cover these huge spreads. ESPECIALLY when the spread is inflated as Teaser insurance.
The Raiders haven’t had anything horrifying happen in the past month, so I fully expect them to be back to peak performance.
Raiders +9.5
Bills @ Buccaneers
Buccaneers -3.5, O/U 54.5
The way to beat the Buccaneers is not by running. Luckily for us, we all just found out that the Bills run game is absolute shit.
This is a game that the Bills know they need in order to stay competitive for the #1 seed in the AFC and it seems like a game that the Buccaneers could easily slip up and lose.
That being said, I’m not about to risk money on Tom Brady losing, so we’ll take the Bills and points.
Bills +3.5
Bears @ Packers
Packers -12.5, O/U 43
It’s super cool that this is a primetime game. We have a lot of good games this weekend and we get this dog water game on Sunday night.
Everyone will be rolling their eyes at the same moment when we hear Carrie Underwood pimp this game up in a song that will no doubt be more entertaining than the actual game. And much like an Anti-Spirit Bomb, those negative vibes will all get sucked onto that field and this game will go under.
Good god I hope it goes under. Fuck this game.
Under 43.